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... [Apr. 26th, 2010|12:04 am]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |the wind through my window]

Sometimes don't think before I talk or do things. Causing oddities.
Sometimes I do think too much and don't talk or do things I should. Causing akwardness or just not as good as it could be situations.
... lol... Ugh.
Can't help it, I'm just a Bonnie :P
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My stab at writing lyrics [Apr. 22nd, 2010|10:43 pm]
[mood |sillya bit buzzed]

I can write chord progressions sometimes, strumming or little finger picking thingermambobs... I like 2 of my recent strumming ones though, and I really want to sing to them but I've never written good lyrics. Ugh. Too cheezy, too... similar to eachother... or too... something. Shit I've even had too emo before... pretty gross. I wrote these a while ago, then kept changing it and this is what I have sooo far (way not done and if anyone reads this please leave some input of constructive critisism this song NEEDS it for it must be awesome since I won't sing a song I wrote if it's lame... embarrising that would be. and yoda I am.)

So here's my stab at writing lyrics:

Wait, it Feels like I'll be here for a while
Laxed, cuz things are still
Nothing, that's what I'll do

My wallet is broken
Even my bowl is cashed...
So I sip on a cigarette,
watch the smoke rise as I flick the ash,
lay my head down in the grass
just to feel the warmth of the sun as I exhale

Love is alive in my heart and I feel it beating
Let it jump from mine to yours, just open it up
[maybe voice fill with oohs or la's of sorts] all I wanna do

[guitar, maybe voice fill again]
Don't fill in that blank
Let's go nowhere and just do nothing together
It may turn out to be the best sort of something to do <--that one needs changing but something needs to go there lol maybe... Actually I think it could deal with lots of changing, maybe adding too... I'm not sure.! Need random inspirations. Summer will probably help... especially if I can't find a job in Dearborn. Shitty. I need mulaz.

How do you write lyrics? Everyone has their way I suppose, but I'd like to hear someone else try to explain it more than "oh, what comes to mind." But maybe that's all it really is. I remember when I'd ask dad "how do you listen to a song and know what chords to play?" he says "oh, sometimes the chord sounds familiar and other times you just try things until it works." which wasn't helpful at the time, but that's really all it is anyways haha there's not a good way to really explain it I suppose. Maybe writing lyrics is the same way? I know I'm no poet that's one thing... I just like singing....
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Oh... [Apr. 19th, 2010|06:32 pm]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |Jason Mraz - Butterfly]

Sometimes I forget that being rediculous is what I do best. Just... umm... haha damn it, it's great.
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I am too nice. [Feb. 28th, 2010|07:46 pm]
[mood |stressedfrazzled]
[music |me randomly singing and playing my guitar in A.D.D. moments...]

I am going to school to be a teacher to save students from a teacher that sux.
I am torturing myself to save students a daily hour of their lives for a year.


My calling sux.
But I feel it is my calling. I can see it.
I had an idea for an awesome restaurant that would totally be a stoner restaurant with random cheap but delicious foods and awesome artwork everywhere for them to gaze at while they munched and listened to random sweet music... Beverly could paint the walls with her crazed suns and randomness that would boggle the minds of cusomers...
I might just co-own it and do that in the summer or something for extra cash if I can find people to help me with it... cuzzz that could fall pretty easy since I am not a business mind I just think it's a good idea and we'd probably be the best restaurant ever with that kind of atmosphere. I'd go there. Lots.

Can I even wake up early enough to teach highschool? DEAR LORD SAVE MY EYES from dying at such early hours.

Late nights... looking at molecules... and being confused.
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Dreams [Feb. 12th, 2010|11:00 am]
[mood |creativecreative]
[music |^__^ I got a mix of new music from Amanda last night!!]

The past 2 nights I've been having really LOOOONG dreams. Maybe that's because I've been getting back in touch with my artistic side? I haven't worked on my huge dancing ents picture for a LOOONNNNG time but I'm starting to color in the leaves now.

The serene one with lots of cute animals and a dragon in Zelda Twilight Princess graphicsCollapse )

The one that gets CREEPY ew Doll...Collapse )
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OHHHHH all of this good and bad and life is WEIRD... [Feb. 7th, 2010|04:10 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |<3 Night Ride Across the Caucasus - Loreena McKennit <3]

God is weird. Time is weird. My life is weird. So good, so bad, so inbetween, and for the most part I like it that way.... but this week SUCKED at times and I do NOT know what the hell is going on anyMORE!! LOL ah!!!

SOOOOOOO I went to MSU cuz it was the best school in the nation for education. Then I thought I was going to California with someone who I loved because he was so awesome till I moved in with him and he... wasn't. So I go back to MSU to find out OH wait I'm not going there anymore cuz I don't want to be in school for EVER so now I don't know what I'm doing anymore. U of M Dearborn maybe? Eastern? What? I dont know!!! **sigh** always changing my mind. That's what. Blah. I will miss East Lansing. I've met lots of good people, even gained a new best friend, I love my job, and actually having no car isn't SOO bad I guess since my legs look really nice now and me bum looks better but I guess I can walk here too... I just don't have to unless I get in a FIGHT omg blahhhh Friday... Sooo while I was playing guitar this Wednesday I noticed I played sad song after sad song so I was like well I'll try to play a happy one... nope I cried instead and started figuring out a new song that is also meloncholly sounding. Pretty though, "A Stranger" by A Perfect Circle. I decided I needed to come home this weekend. Be with my good friends, feel welcomed home so I don't feel so bad about leaving the school I really wanted to go to. Find out my car is dead... Chris picks me up and we are pre-drinking over at Jill's and everyone is bitching about driving. I cannot and often do anyways, so I really didn't feel bad about asking for a ride anyways it's really not a big deal to be the driver... which I often am even if it's not my car... but for some reason that night it was to everyone else who never drive anyways. NO one would take their car or drive. SO Jill felt attacked and complained about other people not taking their car, I took offense so that made her take offense things got blown out of proportion and I threw my beer down on her lawn and left because I hate fighting and it was just stupid anyways. Really. Money. Who fucking cares I offered gas money but oh no that doesn't make up for the past even though Lord KNOWS how often I've driven around and spent my money on them I could care less but just... ugh... stupid stupid fight. Everyone standing up for themselves for no reason except to ruin a perfectly good Friday night.

So I was walking home crying... came home to feel better and end up fighting with my best friend... decided I have other friends anyways and called a few people. I got to hang out with Dean!! lol he came and picked me up and I was a crying mess of Bonnie but he made me feel better I haven't seen him in forever! And I am just a cuddle whore I guess... cuddle whore? And a cigarette theif because I came home and cuddled and ended up with a pack of cigs and don't know how 2 weekends in a row. ... yeaaa. My brain is as scattered as my dorm room WHAT am I going to do with that? lol Jill called me later though and said "I don't want to fight with you..." and I said "I don't want to fight with you either". So we hung out last night and she should come over TODAY to play TWILIGHT PRINCESS I am excited! She's stuck in the big cute yetti man's house I LOVE YETTO!!! But who puts pumpkins and fish in soup? Yetto I guess.
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I am in LOVE!!!! And there's nothing I can do about it!!! [Jan. 31st, 2010|02:36 pm]
[mood |bouncyall over the place]

I'm in love what?? Whyyyy?? Damn it I'm probably just going to get my heart broken again. So stupid. I'm in love with Leitz?! I can't help it! SOOOO CUDDLYYYYYY ugh last night I was WAAAAY too drunk to drive... like I lit the cigarette the wrong way like 4 times in a row. Same cig... Fell of the bed. Lost the pack of cigarettes I don't remember getting the night before what a hot mess of Bonnie I have been... why... anyways I didn't want to drive so when Chris came to get me I pretended to be sleeping. Plus I was all cuddly and didn't want to ruin that. Me and Leitz cuddled all night and didn't even kiss but it was still amazing feeling. Snugglyyyy!! Teddy bear!!! lol I should call him my JerrBear. So cute! So cute. I guess he's done holding a grudge that I kissed someone else? Bout time, can't be mad I wasn't ready for a relationship when he was but I did love him and DO I still do and I can't help it!!! What a strange man. I'm half glad we didn't kiss that would have been confusing but amazing. I love my user pic... I just stared at it for like 10 minutes zoning it made me smile.
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FUCK MY UTERUS!!!! [Jan. 24th, 2010|05:20 pm]
[mood |sorepainful]

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......!!!!!!!! [Jan. 23rd, 2010|09:49 am]
[Current Location |DORM]
[music |None yet, I just woke up and don't know what to do lol blah]


IT was Friday Night and I didn't feel like doing ANYTHING! anything. Nothing. I felt like doing nothing. But that's hard, cuz no matter what you do you are doing... SOMETHING!!! AND I was just sitting in my room, drinking a little bit of my leftover wiskey to calm my nerves from this week because I hated it. I did ABSOLUTELY nothing fun because it was all school. I can't waste my life like that!!! When I have an entire day that is no good, every day, it's stupid. I don't know if I can do this. I want to give up and just become a massage therapist. Maybe they'll take the rest of my school funds and throw them at that? I don't know what to do!! I fucking hate wasting my life if all I'm going to do is study, I don't want to do this anymore. That's not what life is supposed to be completely about. Not mine anyways. So Friday comes, the stress has made me break out like I'm 15 again, so I just decide to stay by myself. Depressing. I should go out tonight, I guess I can't help it if I have acne like mad right now I need to get out of here for something besides class.

I did play around with Santaria on guitar, too bad it will sound COMPLETELY different on a classical guitar than an electric, but it's still fun. It just loses that surfer sounding flair and turns more bonfire I guess haha. That's where I usually play anyways!!! I WANT SUMMER NOW!!! PLEASE! A bonfire on the BEACH right now would be AMAZING I would fall in love with that moment.

I had a dream that I was on my way to class in the Spring and it was going to be a BEAUTIFUL day, it was all a misty morning with dew on the grass, and I was PISSED because I had EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD to do that day and there was no way it was going to get done but here I go... and I'm passing a feild and the guys from work were all flamboyantly frollicing in the feild and I didn't even think much of it except "I wish I had time to frollic in a feild for a second but nooo, I have to go to EVERYTHING else!!!" and was sad. lol but they were seriously flamboyantly like... frollicing like *does flamboyant skip demonstration* haha it was funny imagery when I remembered it. but SAD! I want to frollic every once in a while!!
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lol Jill called me a playa... [Jan. 9th, 2010|05:11 pm]
[mood |flirtyflirty]

Jill goes "It's about time for there to be a girl playa... suprisingly... you!" lol oh why I cannot help it. Yesterday was weird... I got to hang out with the 2 guys I would actually consider dating seriously right now and they are SO different from eachother. I don't think the time is right for Eric though... I'm not sure if I would like to be in a relationship right now, but I'd consider it and take it slow if one of these 2 thought it would be a good idea. I'm glad Eric doesn't think it is though. I was over there yesterday and we were flirty and cuddly again just cute like and then we ended up in his bedroom and making out just a little bit more but not hardcore hot and heavy shit just cute cuz I didn't know what to think of us it could go either way and I'd be cool with it and I know he JUST broke up with his girlfriend and I don't really want to be a rebound date, but rebound makeouts and cuddlings are cool since I'm single and need them too for funzies... so I wanted to ask him what he was thinking.. which was a really akward conversation... ugh I've had SO many akward moments with this kid! And he still likes me? lol okayyyy... cool but anyways he felt so nervous about answering cuz he didn't want to sound like a creep since he has liked me too for a while haha oh man he was suprised when I said "I like that answer" and explained that he just broke up with someone, I live in Lansing more than half the time right now and he's in Canton, but I do like him but it's just not a good time for all of that dating shit I just wanted to know what to do with it in my head. Then we made out like crazy ^___^ score! mmm he is so sexy I was kinda nervous too. And when things got too hot I just wanted a backrub to cool us down. Then I got to go hang out with Jill, Chris, Trisha, Nick, and Leitz ^___^ I still like that kid even though I fucked shit up between us but it really wasn't my fault I told him what was up... basically it comes down to him being pissed that I wasn't ready for a relationship when he was but I can understand why cuz we were really bad at being just friends with benefits we were totally attatched but I knew it was bad... but anyways I think he's warming back up to me slowly so that makes me happy. Though I can tell he doesn't know what to do with me haha so that's kinda sweet too I think it's still there but hesitently.

Then I get to go back to Lansing where there's more boy confusion. What do I do with Jeff? Sometimes he reminds me of Justin which... is strange cuz atleast it's good things in a way but kinda weirds me out so I'm hesitant about that one. I'll just be his friend. Shit atleast that's a fun kind of confusion for now ^___^ until I fuck everything up again BUT I'll enjoy it for now. ... I really like that smiley face don't I? It's cute... unlike me right now ew I need to shower. AND pack I go back to Lansing tomarrow!
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