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"I GOTTA GET OUTTA THIS PLAaAaCE!! AND GO RUNNIN IN OUTTER SPACE OOOOH YEEA!!!" - Alice Cooper lol.. - My Mind Says... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Bonnie

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"I GOTTA GET OUTTA THIS PLAaAaCE!! AND GO RUNNIN IN OUTTER SPACE OOOOH YEEA!!!" - Alice Cooper lol.. [Sep. 23rd, 2010|12:11 pm]
Bonnie
[mood |stressedstressed]

My birthday is comming up!! I have been experiencing... um... I can't find the word but it sux.

I need an inspiration.
I picked up my guitar 2 weeks ago, before then it was a week ago, and I haven't played since. That time sucked too.. I couldn't get through a song without fucking it up nor could I really feel it and get into it.

WHAT is going on?!?

I haven't been able to draw since I've been home either.

I think that's the problem. It was okay through the summer with guitar and singing, I sing all the time it just comes out and I love music. But now I go to school, then I go to work (stressful job really I don't like it), and I have to come home and... where do I go? I can't go in my room... it's small and I can't even sit on my bunk bed I'm too tall. Even if it was clean I wouldn't want to sit on the floor, that's no fun. So I hang out around the house WHERE THERE'S ALWAYS SCREAMING AND YELLING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! I hate it. It's wearing me down, and I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!! ... Next year I need to find a real job fuck college I'll still go but nowhere near full time if that's what it takes to get out of here. I get home and Dad and Betty are always yelling about stupid shit like letting the dog in or shutting cabinets, the phone, the tv, the stuff on the table, the whateverthefuckisannoyingthemfornoreason!!! GOD PLEASE HELP THEM they need HELP but they don't understand. It's not healthy for them or anyone around them.

I come from an artistic and musical family. We all draw, and play intruments to varying degrees some more musical and others more artistic. Why don't we act like it? I don't want to talk about school and work at the dinner table, can't we inspire eachother and make eachother think and laugh like we used to? Ugh. What happened to making faces and finger wiggling? Yes. Finger...wiggling... I miss the sillyness.

When I was on my own at State I really felt like I was finding myself and growing as a person. I learned something new every day about the word around me and/or myself. My dorm, though a dorm, was my space and I could do whatever I wanted. Walk around naked, draw, sing, play guitar, read... I was free to be me and learn in the way that was best for me. I was forced out of my shell and met tons of people that made me learn about people and myself. For now that's put on hold again and I feel stifled. I can't even remember my dreams, and when I do they're not colorful and strange... they're drab and frustrating in some way.

For my Birthday, I want inspiration. A new muse. And I'm the only one that can give me that and may God help me find it or I may lose my mind. Oh well, lol I'll atleast buy myself a cinnabon. How often to my entries end on the thought of food? 50% of the time? Hah I'm a fat girl at heart.
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