|Mountain Lions, Wolves, and Bears... Oh My!!! I met them all in one night.
||[Aug. 20th, 2013|12:06 am]
Me and Nick wanted a romantic roll on the dunes one weekend this summer, and since it is about to be over we figured we better fit it in! We went last weekend, found some Molly and went to the West Coast of the state to camp. The campsite I had in mind was crowded!!!!!!! No room. Checked out another one... a few were open but there were children everywhere and no alcoholic beverages allowed. This is obviously a problem if your pupils are huge, and you are way too happy to be a human... people can tell something is up and on top of that they weird me out. Every place was the same except Silver Lake's campsite Sandy Shores so we stayed there knowing there was a long hike of dunes ahead of us to get to a secluded area of the lake instead of a nice stroll for a long time on the shore... (which was a bit of a problem because we picked up the molly the night beforehand and they offered us a small snort to approve of the pureness for our cash and it was really good... and we found out that the high lasts as long as taking it orally unlike the shortness of coke which is the only thing we ever tried to snort before. Well besides Aderol. So we were awake the entire night and I didn't sleep ANY of the night but tried forever....Anyway...). It took us a while to get settled due to our bad planning but decided to go to the state park and roll, we would be there for some sun and the sunset!!! It was a nice hike, taking our time and we started to feel it by the time we got to the big lake. BUUUUUT since we had taken some the previous night and slept none we decided we would be happier if we took the rest we were going to save. We watched the sunset and talked about some stuff we never talked about before, deep in thought on a piece of driftwood far down the beach. This would probably be what I would be writing about had it been any other diary entry sort of day because that was a wonderful experience alone, weird conversations bring you closer to each other and it was very meaningful. I am so in love with him... like never before... we talked about the things we went through coming together and some weird stuff here and there... you know. However, what happened next was way too much more crazy and I need to get to that. |
The stars started to come out and we thought it would be nice to walk and have a smoke, then find a place for our blanket and look at the stars for just a little while before we went back to the campsite to eat a hot dog and play guitar together. However... we didn't make it back to the campsite till the wee hours of the morning.
He stops, scared and I ask him what he is looking at. He asks "Is that a stray dog? Do you see a human?" and I said something like idk but we can just head back now then so we don't have to find out he is a mean stray or something. So we walk the other way and he says "What is that?!?!?!?!?!" and shines his flashlight and it was a BLACK BEAR!!!!! SOOOOO we decided to turn around and take our chances with the dog until we realized there were more and that it was actually a PACK OF WOLVES...
REALLY?!?! I know Molly doesn't make you hallucinate more than making shapes out of light that you can tell are not real because they don't make sense, and they follow your eye movement in paths...and we tried the same shit the night before and didn't hallucinate anything... it messes with light funny, things shine more and you can play with lights if you squint and wiggle your eyes or something but things that aren't there don't just appear. They were fucking real dude. So we stood there thinking this thought together... whispering... asking where we saw them and they were the same direction and stuff... Yes, we went through that lol we knew we were on drugs... and he walked ahead of me and I clung to his back and whispered "don't run... Don't move... and don't look at them. We have to be completely boring... they are predators not scavengers, they are attracted to motion. If we act like prey, they will think of us as prey. We are not running or scared, just here and not exciting. If we run they will catch us. They are fast and we are not fast on dunes... and they swim too." When he talked they would look cuz he was facing away from me and didn't want to cause motion by turning so he was quiet for EVER and sometimes I would whisper... but for 6 hours (or 5 but not exaggerating by much... a long time. forever.) We stood there trying not to move. Not to look at them much. look down look up... don't open your eyes too wide they shine in the moonlight. We were in direct moonlight, it felt like a spot light.
At the beginning of us standing there, right away the bear and the pack of wolves with some stray dogs mixed into the group go into the water to fish. The dogs were moving so fast in the water... I couldn't even tell how many there were because they were in the dark and we were in this moon spotlight (probably the drugs playing with the light... it was SO BRIGHT where we were it seemed! The moon was very full though, so we were visible to them... probably not in a moon spotlight for real lol) It was weird enough for me to question what I saw... but again it doesn't make things that aren't there at all appear. I had to keep reminding myself of this because my instincts just told me I wanna get out of here I can't do this anymore we need to get out of here lets just go... but I didn't want to be a moving object they might like to hunt. I definitely saw 2 black bears in front of us and a bunch of smaller things every once in a while, just roaming around all over right in front of us. We pondered the thought of walking back inching quite slowly, so as to not draw attention. I looked at the sand to the left and there was a wolf staring at us!!! When I looked I saw him crouch and start to get closer to us so I said "there is a wolf don't look dont' look don't look!!" then I look to the right and at first I didn't see anything... then I saw a big mass of brown, about the same color as the sand, move toward me and 2 eyes shining in the moonlight fairly high from the sand and said "DONT LOOK DON'T LOOK DON'T LOOK just stay... please please don't move." We did not just hallucinate the same thing in the same direction. It was a brown colored bear! We freaked out again that it was actually real and I could not stop shaking... out of fear I was trembling hard core like if I was not hanging on to Nick I would not have been able to stand on my own legs at all. We were fucking surrounded. Forever. Predators who could eat us easily if they wanted to taste a little human... all around us. If one decided they wanted to eat us, the others would join. Not good. not good... So stay still we did because they seemed to know we were there, standing in that moon spotlight motionless, keeping their distance but an eye on us in curiosity to see what our intentions were. Our intentions remained to stand our ground and not get eaten. I took quick glimpses every once in a while because... there were fucking bears and wolves everywhere... and I wanted them to go away and when they did we would leave. Then after a while I started to question if it was Molly they gave us but no hallucinogenic drug makes the ground and waves and moon look so realistic while things that really aren't there appear in all the same directions to 2 different people... but still.. wtf there are too many and they are still there so I opened my eyes wider to look toward the end when they started to seem to get further from us. Some waves I mistook for wolves, yes, I was squinting and it was dark so sometimes some wolves would dissapear but I didn't want them to see my eyes shining at them so I squinted... But opening my eyes wider too early was probably a mistake because the ones I looked at started to come nearer to us again. Some actually came up and sniffed us cautiously... well first they crouched and then when they got close and we still didn't run they got up and sniffed us so maybe they were not cautious but trying to stalk us as prey till we ran and then didn't so they wondered what was wrong with us and sniffed us to see what was up idk. After looking at the black bear again and having it sniff Nick out while I couldn't even look and just put my head down behind his shaking after he said bear and heard stomping in the sand nearby... I figured I should not look at the brown bear over to the right ever again because it had not been eating fish... It just stood staring at us making sure we didn't go anywhere. Wtf. Okay.
Well standing still like this went on for hours on end. I had lost my mind a long time ago... but it was all I could do to fight my flight or fight response instinct... I wanted to run out of there so bad I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! But at the same time I was in awe of these amazing creatures. After all I was PEAKING on Molly at this time, usually euphoric sensations come over you and you are in love with EVERYTHING around you... so it took some fear away so that I could ignore my flight instinct a little better and think about how awesome they were in their own scary way. So cute... but so deadly. The bears were HUGE and the wolves so agile and organized as a group without language as us humans know it. I prayed more that night than I ever have before... appreciating God's wonderful creation while begging for him to spare me from becoming a different part of it, like energy for the bear or wolves. I told him I wasn't done living yet, thanked him for giving me a good guardian angel all these years and sorry to put her on overtime tonight but I really need her to survive tonight. It was so weird to have these two extreme emotions together all night... amazement at their beauty and kinda cuteness/fear of these fuzzy guys ripping us to pieces!!!
Then... all of a sudden... we shifted and fell because our legs couldn't do the standing and we were shaking and something went wrong and down we went. Abrupt movement surrounded by predators... not good. The wolf to the left went back and howled into the woods for backup, and within moments we were surrounded by all sorts of wolves and stray dogs running back and forth... I just put my head on his shoulder and prayed because usually they do this to prey before they attack from all sides. I do not want to be prey. No thanks...
We discussed whether to run again or not quietly while the wolves and stray dogs danced around us playing with each other as if saying hello, but surrounding us so we couldn't go any direction without running into one. I hid my face in Nick's shoulder for a while because... yea... what do I do? Our options: Swim, run back over the dunes, or stay where we were. Can't leave the circle without running into one of them so.. stay it is. Staying still and not acting like prey has worked so far while they were preoccupied with fish... so... I prayed again that it would work still. And that they had full bellies after fishing so long. After they stopped their dance and we didn't do anything they all crouched and this white wolf came to sit off a bit to the left and not too long after a fucking MOUNTAIN LION (yea... at first I was confused because I didn't know any feline larger than a bobcat lived in MI but they do I guess. Ha I seriously thought "WHERE ARE WE NOW?!?! AFRICA?? WTF IS THIS GUY?") came and sat down next to the white wolf. yea. they are friends?! Idk. Anyway, these crouching wolves were ready to pounce if we moved toward any of them. Then this weird lookin short dog with a wrinkly face came and sat right in front of us all friendly, like if it could talk it would say "Hey guys! Have you met my friends the wolves? :D" tongue sticking out panting all cute. And a stray cat, like grey with black stripes house cat, came over for a second and stared at us, and when we didn't pet it she decided to stroll away again. One stray dog even tried to lay all cute next to Nick but we didn't pet them because we didn't know if the Wolves would understand this gesture and attack us for touching one of their kind. We stood our ground, sat on it rather at this point, and I was afraid that one would attack us from behind since we were sitting. I asked him to hold me and we ended up laying huddled surrounded by wolves, stray dogs, and a fucking MOUNTAIN LION now while the bears were still playing in the water fishing. The last thing I remember that night was hearing shuffling in the sand, then feeling and hearing snouts sniffing us. At that point my brain was like "NOPE" and just shut down. Couldn't deal.
We both wake and the sun is up. We stare at each other in disbelief and hold each other tight, I have never been so happy to be alive!!!! As soon as we ask each other if they are gone we hear: "snoof snoof... snoof snoof..." deep sniffing... I knew there were 2 of them but I didn't see them I just heard and felt snouts again at my back. We laid there... trying to play dead but not doing a good job it was SO COLD and the blanket was cold and wet with dew and we were scared so... trembling is not still... and trying to breathe silently but that doesn't happen while shaking violently out of control like I do when I am cold. I seizure when I am cold I swear and even when my life depends on it I cannot fucking STOP SHIVERING omg... but Nick saw them when they ran off and told me they were the black bears and we flipped for a second but too soon because we heard them thumping back to our direction to see what the commotion was about. Same thing again. Idk how many times this happened but eventually we got up and ran back down the shore, up and over all those dunes as fast as we could muster (which was not fast because we hadn't eaten for way too long and running on dunes is really hard... and I slowed us down of course... I am not a quick one that's for sure. I get morning sickness from the pill if I don't eat breakfast, so I also felt like barfing and falling over... Goooood Morning....). We saw another brown bear in the distance and Mountain Lions standing on top of a dune overlooking the land in the early morning sunlight on our way out that morning many hours later validating the realness of last night... and when we got out of there I was so relieved!!!! I have never felt more thankful or alive before in my life. I couldn't stop thinking that I had met 2 black bears, LOTS of wolves, stray dogs with them, a brown bear of some sort, and a mountain lion last night?!?!?!
I am alive!!!
So, turns out when the sign says the parking lot gate closes at 10, you should probably just plan not to be in a state park after dark. Get the hell outta there quick, those are protected grounds so animals like those. I thought it would be safe because I remembered walking over so much sand and there were like no trees but I don't have a good memory... it was more than a thin line of trees... Just don't be in a state park after dark, predators don't get shot by humans there. They are all waiting there for you. I can't believe that happened to me still, so surreal. Probability just would have it that at least one of those predators would have like bit us to see if we could be eaten... or not liked the way I looked at it with my enlarged pupils in the moonlight...
Why didn't they eat us after we slept and they sniffed us? I sometimes grind my teeth when stressed and in my sleep and my jaw hurts still 2 days later... maybe they didn't like the noises we were making, snoring and grinding and him farting and stinking while we smelled like sweat, chemicals, and cigarettes? Nick said out of the corner of his eye sometimes he saw a man-like white figure but when he turned to see it, it disappeared. I know I have a sweet guardian angel, she has been there for me before I know it. I know God has plans for me, and still needs me to be here. I know I am not done living, there is so much I have left to do... and being terrified of being ripped to shreds and not knowing if a bear, wolf, stray dog, or mountain lion will do it at any moment is pretty eye opening. I have never been so close to death before, to the point of seeing my life as THAT VALUABLE!!! I know logically that I could die any day, but there is something about it being so real... and then being spared. Like... we didn't just see a bear or a wolf or a mountain lion... we met them all and left without even a scrape or bruise. I felt like Daniel in the Lion's Den man... it was insane. And logically I have thought this thought, that God put us here to be who he created us to be that's in our nature, so we need to be who we are to do the things we need to do on this planet before we die, but I haven't had it so in my face before. I am here to be me and change the world the way I will because it is God's will and he is with me, in such a present way that he spared my life so obviously?!?! To help me realize this in a bigger way, to give me confidence to do what I need to do because it needs to be done so bad he held all these things back from eating me? What if we had gone the previous weekend as planned? I would have been pmsing and bleeding, the smell of blood could have attracted them and then we are dinner. Then all the other ones being terrible places to trip, the ones we wanted to go to and checked out 1st for so long before going to this one... so seeing these guys was all part of God's plan too... like he needed me to wake up and realize I am on the right path and to do the best I can do, not to fake anything but to be me the way he created me and make the world a better place the best that I can do. What if I hadn't gotten the Molly? I may not have taken the time to consider them as being illusions, and just went off instinct: run. That would have been bad... I'm not quick and would have been dinner before I made it over one dune. I wouldn't have appreciated their unique majestic qualities either... I would have just... been eaten. I would have acted like prey on instinct and they would have seen me as such. It is just way too amazing... and crazy... like I had to have exaggerated it but they were all there in that circle I saw their eyes shine while they crouched. I made one last look full circle, just quick not to try to intimidate but just so they knew I knew they were there before I laid down too... and woke up alive. And so was Nick. We made it through the night alive. And the next morning... just to make us realize it was a real thing that happened we could have died and still can.